费莱尼绝杀,曼联1-0伯尔尼年轻人

Pubgoinguponatuesday:费莱尼时间到啦,现在费莱尼时间>弗格森时间!(Fellaini
time approaching lads. Fellaini time > Fergie time.’)

Kaztah:中场有个家伙我连续八次都没看出来是谁,直到刚才想起来费莱尼把头发给剃了…(It’s
like the 8th time I wonder who the hell that guy on the midfield is,
before I remember Fellainis haircut.)

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Bigbogger:德赫亚救主,费莱尼绝杀,这都是基本操作!(De Gea rescue
and Fellaini winner, business as usual.)

S7Yidead:今年金球奖不给费莱尼,那就是犯罪!(It’s a crime if
Fellaini can’t be awarded Ballon d’Or)

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Standupforhufflepuff:这是曼联本赛季第一个欧冠主场进球,整个欧冠里就没有比他们进得更晚的了…(This
was United’s first home goal in the CL this season, they were the last
team to score one this year.)

nova_uk:既然这两支队都不知道怎么进攻,那他们是怎么踢进欧冠正赛的…(How
are these two teams in the champions league when they both don’t know
how to attack?)

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CounterfeitMemes:曼联真应该把自己的比赛录像卖给医院去当安眠药!(Manchester
United should sell their games to hospitals as general hypnotics.)

Renegadecoaster:一些住在球场旁边的人家,应该能在院子里发现好多这场的足球吧…(Someone
in the local neighborhood just got some nice balls in their yard.)

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联赛六连冠!拜仁4-1奥格斯堡

-zimms-:现在拜仁是时候处理伤病问题了,毕竟过几天还会有重要的比赛,而且要求至少有11个健康的球员能出场的…(Time
for Bayern to get physical as well. This is ridiculous. Bayern has
another important game in a couple of days and would need at least 11
uninjured players.)

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好了,亲爱的小伙伴们,本期的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这了,让我们下期不见不散!

晋级欧联杯8强,阿森纳3-1 AC米兰

Hjuretzer:总比分5-1晋级,拜仁一定会为你们感到骄傲的!(5-1 on
aggregate. Bayern would be half proud of you.)

DashingPhonyRhodes:第3回合我们一定能赢!希望米兰能适应重回欧战的感觉…(3rd
leg is OURS, hopefully we can get used to return in Europe.)

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Mesinbasuh:反正多特已经被淘汰了,现在我们能不能在欧联杯上让奥巴梅杨出场了…(with
dortmund out, can we play aubameyang in the europa league now pls.)

Malikdwd:过去两年踢这么烂,其实是教授为了迷惑AC米兰而专门下的一步大棋!(Playing
very badly over two years was Wenger’s strategy to confuse Milan.)

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好了,亲爱的小伙伴们,本期的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这了,让我们下期不见不散!

斯特林热苏斯进球,曼城3-1埃弗顿

SupervisorLaw:有趣的是,今天所有的利物浦球迷都盼着埃弗顿赢球,而曼城球迷却都希望曼联能赢球…(Funnily
today all of Liverpool fans hope Everton wins and tommorow all of City
fans hope United wins.)

Goooooringer:两队这是轮流看着自己的后防线玩火么…(Both teams taking
turns watching their defense vanish.)

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阿圭罗斯特林进球,曼城2-0布莱顿

Ironman122:输给曼城…那能叫输么?又不是每轮都能踢曼联!(It’s okay to
lose to city as we can’t play against united every week.)

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Do_not_tempt_me:感觉斯特林就会进两种球,一种是接横传推射空门,一种就是直接进世界波…(I
feel like sterling scores two types of goals. These tap in that are slid
across from the other side. The second type are bangers.)

njf88:哪天斯特林能进单刀了,我就把他的名字纹在丁丁上!(I will have
his name tattooed on my dick when he can score a 1v1.)

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:约旦难民营中的一处足球场

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小伙伴们大家好,欢迎来到每周的“国外也有段子手”!上周的欧洲赛场精彩看点层出不穷,利物浦赢下了与曼城的欧冠焦点对决,皇马、巴萨和拜仁也纷纷取得先机。周末的联赛赛场,拜仁提前6轮锁定冠军,曼联阻击了曼城提前夺冠的步伐,巴萨、阿森纳等队纷纷取胜,而皇马、马竞、切尔西等球队则收获平局。好了,话不多说,让我们快来看看歪果仁们的精彩吐槽吧!

萨拉赫大四喜,利物浦5-0沃特福德

NickDootex:我们能…能…能借萨拉赫回来么?就两场比赛就行,打怪兽用…(Can…
can… can we just get him back? Only for two matches against a
monster?)

XPLJESUS:大兄弟,要是能回借,我们早就借了….(Forget it, we would
have got him back if possible.)

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Computer_User_01:你们最大的错误,就是把萨拉赫当成普通人类来对待!(Your
first mistake was assuming Salah was normal human.)

Tsubasa_sama:哈哈,萨拉赫今天可是超级赛亚人!(Lol salah went super
saiyan today.)

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Pzrapnbeast:大家好,我在关塔那摩监狱里关了4年,昨天才被放出来,我想问梅西啥时候改名叫萨拉赫了!(Hi
I was in Guantanamo prison for the last four years and just got free
yesterday. When did Messi change his name to Salah?)

Theenigmacode:呵呵,梅西进过沃特福德4个球吗?(Well, did Messi ever
score 4 goals against Watford?)

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Choky:有人知道萨拉赫还是单身么,我想给自己招个亲…不是单身也没关系,我也知道他可以合法娶好几个媳妇儿的…(Does
anyone know if Salah is single? Asking for myself this time! It’s ok if
not , I know it’s halal to have more than one wife for him!)

Xrscx:我已经给我的每个孩子都起名叫穆罕默德了…(Every single one of
my children will be named Mohamed.)

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Haze95:如果我发现萨拉赫正在和我媳妇儿嘿咻,那我一定会再递给萨拉赫点伟哥!(If
I walked in on Salah in bed with my missus I’d grab him some
aphrodisiac.)

Superwindex:你永远不会独自X高潮!(You’ll never cum alone!)

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Witcher94:欧冠联赛能重新抽个签么…(Champions league redraw
please…)

NN345:英超各球队不如众筹把萨拉赫买下来吧,然后把他送到中国,或者其他越远越好的地方…(Premier
league clubs should pitch in together to buy mo salah and send him to a
chinese club or somewhere far away enough.)

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Psychotic_Bear:我们出生的时代刚刚好,见证了法老王的复活!(born
just in time to witness the return of the pharaohs.)

7098698086:每次萨拉赫进球,我就觉得自己死去多一点,现在我正在看在哪家教堂举办葬礼呢…(Everytime
Salah scores a part of me dies. Now I am looking for a church to hold my
funeral.)

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小伙伴们大家好,欢迎来到每周的“国外也有段子手”!上周的欧洲足坛精彩看点层出不穷,欧冠赛场,热刺战平巴萨成功出线,国米惨遭淘汰,利物浦赢下和那不勒斯的出线之战,而曼联、尤文、皇马、拜仁等球队则纷纷失分。联赛赛场,利物浦笑傲双红会,阿森纳不败势头遭终结,而曼城、切尔西、巴萨、皇马等球队则纷纷获胜。同时,欧冠1/8决赛抽签也已尘埃落定,利物浦相遇拜仁,而曼联则和巴黎狭路相逢。好了,话不多说,让我们快来看看歪果仁们的精彩吐槽吧!

互交白卷,皇马0-0马竞

Xthecreator:别泄气啊,我们假装皇马和巴萨都赢了不就得了!(Never
mind, let’s just pretend we and Barcelona both won the match.)

Hamozus:今天下午我对巴萨的战术进行了细致的分析,现在我已经想到新点子了,咱也得在下半场让梅西出场才行!(I
have carefully analyzed Barca’s game this afternoon looking for fresh
tactical ideas and I think that we need to sub in Messi at halftime.)

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Mpkotabelud:也就是说,上次我们在联赛主场击败马竞的时候,教练还是穆里尼奥?(So,
the last time that Real beat Atletico at home in La Liga was in Jose
Mourinho period?)

Raphael1987:我开始怀念C罗的任意球了,起码不像现在这样谁都想去XJBT一脚…(I
miss Ronaldo free kicks. At least there was no bullshit like this where
everyone takes a try)

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Harkoncito:我们的战术就是先随便传球100次,然后传给卡瓦哈尔让他去传中…(Our
tactics is basically pass the ball 100 times, give it to Carvajal and
cross it.)

Commandophile:现在皇马球员好像还都在给C罗传球,但是C罗到底在哪儿就不得而知了…(It
seems that every just tried to pass to Ronaldo but no one knew where he
was.)

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奥巴拉卡进球,阿森纳4-2热刺

Banzaimiha:是谁说奥巴梅杨只会在踢弱队的时候进球的?说得太特么对了!(People
were saying Aubameyang only scores against small teams. They were
right.)

WarrenAlaCarte:洛里买了张贵宾球票来看这场球啊!(Lloris paid a
premium ticket to watch the game!)

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Aidsfart_
112:
那些赌麦克-迪恩会判给阿森纳点球的人真是赚翻了,现在得是百万富翁了吧!(Well
done to the people who bet on Mike Dean giving Arsenal a pen… must be
millionaires now.)

Ttblue:必须的啊,每次麦克迪恩吹阿森纳的比赛,我都赌他给阿森纳点球,现在我已经是百万富翁了!哦对了,以前我是亿万富翁…(Yes
I bet on him a penalty for us every time and now I’m a millionaire. By
the way I was a billionaire before.)

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Throwberaway:拉卡泽特和奥巴梅杨之间的基情好魔性啊…(The bromance
between Laca and Auba…magical.)

cwillard260:就连麦克-迪恩都阻止不了他俩了呢!(Even Mike Dean can’t
stop him.)

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longconsilver13:今天阿森纳球迷性高潮般的呐喊,已经被收录到里式地震等级里去了!(Gunners
orgasm has just registered on the Richter Scale.)

Drewdru:世界波、火爆冲突、犯规、红牌、烟火、激情、仇恨,好一个德比啊!(Bangers,
Scuffles, Fouls, Sending off, Flares, Passion, Hatred, What a Derby!)

2girls1kun:唯一的遗憾就是今天麦克-迪恩不怎么在状态…(Pity that Mike
was back in form.)

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vapianonuts24:我是曼联球迷,我帮朋友问的啊,你们都是怎么进攻的?(United
fan here, how do you attack? Asking for a friend.)

Benn_Must-die:不如曼联就聘我当教练吧,我在FIFA13里边都带着曼联赢得欧冠十连冠了呢!(Hire
me I got Manchester United to win the champions league 10 years in a row
in Fifa 13 mobile.)

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C罗无解倒钩,皇马3-0尤文图斯

Merforce1:皇马玩FIFA游戏的难度等级依次为:欧冠级、新手级、半职业级、职业级、世界级、传奇级和西甲级。(Difficulty
levels for RM playing fifa: CL, Amateur, Semi-pro, Professional, World
Class, Legendary, Liga.)

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Brokingiant:走在雨巷中,寒风料峭透;是谁的眼泪随风飞走,是谁的真心被雨淋透。(I’m
walking down the cold street and at first I thought it was raining, but
it is the bitter tears of me. And they are flowing from my heart.)

Beddevils:我好怀念那时候,我们一起驰骋欧冠的时候。(I miss the days
we ruled CL.)

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JPaken:我们在俄罗斯踢世界杯的时候,能不能每场赛前都演奏一下欧冠主题曲…(I’d
like to order champions league anthems for Russia World Cup, please)

GRI23:C罗一定会成为炮hub上的新星的,因为他总是射向老妇人!(Ronaldo
should be the new pornhub star with how much he loves fucking Old
Ladies.)

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Lovebanter:我用尽无数心机去恨C罗,可他却一次又一次用这样的表现打肿我的脸!(I
invest so much time and energy into hating Ronaldo and he goes and does
this every time to make me shit.)

Guy_Ostrich:不如把这些恨意都转化为纯粹的欣赏吧,也许50年内都不会再有这样的球员了!(All
the hate energy was invested into appreciating something I might not see
again for 50 years.)

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NIRossoneri:阿莱格里是不是让球员们像踢决赛一样踢这场比赛了…(I’m
guessing Allegri’s team talk was to treat this like a final.)

Totally_Uninvolved:尤文避免再次输掉决赛的最好方法,就是不要进决赛!(Juve:
You can’t choke in the final if you don’t even reach it.)

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Ninjapizzadude:布冯在场上的第一次触球,竟然是从球网里捡球…(Buffons
first touch of the game was to pick the ball from the back of the net.
Stats!)

yammertime27:有人黑C罗只会进保姆球,但C罗打了他们的脸,最后的保姆球根本就没进!(Ronaldo
proving the haters wrong with the tap in miss at the end.)

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Wigos:如果你在赛前就告诉我C罗将会主宰一切,那我简直得…亲你两嘴巴子(If
you had told me before this game that Ronaldo would completely dominate
the match then I would have kissed you.)

HippoBigga:上次把皇马从欧冠淘汰的球队正是尤文,而这已经是3年前的事了…(Crazy
to think that Juve was the last team to eliminate Madrid from the
Champions League… Almost three years ago.)

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tweazz :本泽马和伊瓜因是不是在比赛谁浪费的机会更多…(Benzema and
higuain to compete in wasting scoring chances.)

Kaint58:浪费机会的前提,是你首先得创造点机会啊…(But you should have
some chances to waste at first.)

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顺利晋级,拜仁3-1贝西克塔斯

Manere:海因克斯手下的拜仁8-1贝西克塔斯,安切洛蒂的拜仁10-2阿森纳,这样来看,贝西克塔斯还是比阿森纳强不少啊…(Bayern
8:1 aggr vs Besiktas under Hybckes. Bayern 10:2 vs Arsenal under
Ancelotti. From this I conclude that Besiktas is obviously better then
Arsenal.)

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:我夺欧冠,你拿欧联。超级杯上,不见不散!

阿扎尔佩德罗进球,切尔西2-1布莱顿

maverick1905:拥有阿扎尔,是我们最接近拥有梅西的事情了…(Hazard is
the closest thing we will ever have to Messi playing in Chelsea.)

AdenintheGlaven:我再也不想看90分钟阿扎尔吊打我们了!(Not sure I
want to spend another 90 minutes watching Hazard dick us.)

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联赛三轮不胜,巴萨1-1毕尔巴鄂竞技

Arsenictue:在皇马的比赛没踢完之前,我还是别在巴萨评论区说话了…(I
prefer not to speak here till our match is done too.)

Harkoncito:你们怎么能把冠军的压力推给我们呢?那我们肯定也是平局啊!(How
dare you put this kind of pressure on us, we are also a draw
absolutely!)

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jon_stewrt:梅西是巴萨唯一能找到幸运女神的人,然后再把女神翻个身,打她的屁屁…(Messi
is the only player who could find lady luck, turn her around and give
her a spanking.)

cvaldo99:要是哪天梅西不在了,真不知道会发生什么…(One day Messi
won’t be here. Idk what will happen then.)

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cha54mi:如果拉基蒂奇是为毕包踢球的话,那肯定就是场上最佳!你看他所有的球都传给毕包球员了!(If
rakitic was playing with a bilbao shirt he would be their motm .
Literally his passes all were to athletic players.)

yarikhh:胡说什么呢?明明皮克才是毕包的最佳球员!(You fool, it must
be Pique to win MOTM for bilbao)

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K503:我有点担心苏牙会不会伤到门将了,这么多射门就直接踢人家身上…(I’m
worried about goalkeepers being injured by Suarez. So many have been hit
by Suarez shots.)

HomelessGunner:是啊,就算你站着不动,苏牙也会主动射你身上的…(Yeah,
he will directly shoot the ball to you even you stand still.)

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frogieboie1:别担心,我们永远陪着你~(Don’t worry. we are right there
with ya 😉

Kold_Blooded_Killer:看来我们不是唯一想要自杀的球迷了…(Well at
least we aren’t the only suicidal fans here.)

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出线关键战,热刺1-0国米

In_Panopticon:是不是因为下赛季要用VAR了,所以底线裁判就疯狂刷存在感来证明自己的价值了…(the
line judge was like they have var next season i need to prove my worth.)

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Sjekky:热刺欧冠开局踢成这样,要是最后还能出线,这也太酸爽了吧…(Fair
fucks to Tottenham if they make it out this group after the start they
had.)

Princessfinn:现在利物浦是要成为唯一一个从欧冠掉下去的英超球队啦?(If
liverpool the only english team dropping into the el.)

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激情对决,利物浦3-0曼城

Great-Band-Name:看着张伯伦在利物浦的进球,就好像在看从不愿和你上床的前女友在和新欢拍的性爱录像带一样…(When
you see goal of Ox , it just feels like to see a sex tape of your ex who
never did that with you.)

AleArdu_:曼城,你永远不会独行!(City you will never walk alone.)

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RVP_20_ :尤文和利物浦的后防线是不是互换灵魂了…(Juve transferred
their defense with Liverpool.)

goldengirl_7:哈哈,利物浦就是曼城这赛季遇到的最硬打击吧!(Lol
Liverpool have been the biggest cock to City this season.)

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ChipAyten:要是每场比赛都踢曼城就好了,这样卧铺不早就夺冠了吗?(If
the schedule was City 38 times a season we’d be champs already.)

ethanicles7:我看萨内的表现还是不错的,由他拦截下的曼城的进攻,可比利物浦后卫洛夫伦和范戴克加起来都多!(I’m
almost positive that Sané managed to stop more City attacks than Van
Dijk and Lovren combined.)

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PreJuryFlop:曼城还没有造出来大巴吗?(Did Man City even make it off
their Bus?)

Kaklefrosk:看到萨拉赫受伤时,埃及全国都陷入了紧急状态,一辆救护车都从开罗开到利物浦了!(Egypt
must be in total emergency status right now, ambulances driving from
Cairo to Liverpool when Salah got injured.

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意外遭淘汰,曼联1-2塞维利亚

MuchAire:博格罢这XJBT的程度,就好像是塞维利亚派来的卧底一样…(Pogbye
was absolute shit today and I was wondering if he was playing for
Sevilla in disguise.)

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Jacamacho:我只想来提醒一下各位,塞维利亚可是被我们灌了5个球的选手…(I’m
here to remind you that Sevilla conceded 5 goals vs. us lol.)

pick_a_maul:瞬间巴黎输给皇马的比赛看起来已经不那么丢人了…(And
suddenly Paris’ loss to Real Madrid in the Ro16 looks far less
humiliating.)

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:想象中的曼联进攻VS实际的曼联进攻

Holymani:你还能奢望什么呢?一支财政如此困难的小球队,怎么能跟大豪门塞维利亚相抗衡呢!(Well
what did you expect. What can a small club with little financial muscle
do vs a powerhouse like Sevilla?)

33papers:这还不如让西汉姆联替曼联去踢欧冠呢,起码我们还能看个乐呵吧?(look
I’m just saying but if we put West Ham in the CL instead of Man Utd
atleast we would be entertained.)

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输球仍头名出现,尤文1-2伯尔尼年轻人

BrutalHumbug13:老妇人紧逼不如前,被年轻人轻松洞穿!(Young Boys
penetrate Old Lady as she lost tight defenses.)

Lerkot:年轻人把老妇人摁着摩擦,最后双方还都挺开心,这绝对是真爱啊!(Young
Boys fucking the old lady and everyone happy in the end. True love.)

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Coko1911:皇马:“我们的B队被人吊着打了…”尤文:“干杯老铁!我们的…A
队被人吊着打了…”(Real: Our B team is disgrace Juve: Hold my bear …
gets embarrassed with A team.)

Oatzeel:要不是琼斯的乌龙,曼联甚至还能得个小组头名…(Man u could
have finished top of their group if it weren’t for Phil Jones’ deft
finish.)

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